This word can change your life

Is your stock answer “I Can't Do That”?

Don't go there.

One of the most limiting things we can say to ourselves is also one of the simplest.

“I can't do that.”

It sounds like a statement of fact. A bit like saying the kettle is broken or the dog has eaten your homework. There is nothing left to discuss.

But sometimes “I can't” isn't a fact. It's a conclusion.

We make the decision based on what we know, what we've experienced before, how confident we feel and, occasionally, what our brain has decided it would rather not risk.

The problem is that once we say “I can't”, we tend to stop looking.

We just close off all the roads that would lead us forwards. Opportunities become blocked to us. We never find out what lies ahead because we put up a mental NO ENTRY sign. Does this sound like you? Well, you are not alone, it’s a common occurrence but it doesn’t need to be. 

That's where a small word can make a surprisingly useful difference.

Yet.

“I can't do that yet.”

That word changes the whole thing. You're no longer saying the ability doesn't exist. You're saying it doesn't exist at the moment.

That leaves the door open. That replaces the “NO Entry” sign with maybe a “Proceed with caution”. I am not suggesting you should just dive in straight away but now you are in a position to have a bit more of a look. You are OPEN to opportunities.

And this is where I like the idea of what I call the Funnel Effect.

When we're stuck, our thinking can become very narrow. We see the problem; decide it isn't possible and then spend a considerable amount of time proving ourselves right.

“I can't do that.”

“I don't know how.”

“That's not going to work.”

“There isn't another option.”

Lovely. Problem solved. Unfortunately, in the wrong direction.

The Funnel Effect works the other way.

You make one small move in a direction and suddenly you have more information. That information gives you another option. That option leads somewhere else.

You don't necessarily know where you're going when you start. You simply know that standing still isn't producing anything particularly useful.

Think about walking into a room you've never been in before. From the doorway you can only see so much. Take a few steps and your view changes. You notice another door. Move towards that and you discover a corridor. Then perhaps another room.

The building hasn't changed.

Your position has.

The same thing happens with problems.

You don't always need the complete answer before you start. Sometimes the first move is what gives you enough information to work out the second one.

So, when you catch yourself saying “I can't do that”, there are three things worth trying.

Add “yet”.

“I can't do that yet.”

It sounds almost ridiculously simple, but it changes the statement from a permanent judgement into a description of where you are now.

It also raises a useful question: What would I need to learn, practise or change to make it possible?

Ask “What would make it possible?”

Instead of arguing with yourself about whether you can or can't, investigate the problem.

Perhaps you need more information. Perhaps you need someone to show you how. Perhaps you need to break the task down. Perhaps you need to approach it differently.

Or perhaps you genuinely can't do it. That's possible too. “Yet” isn't a magic word that allows you to fly, speak fluent Mandarin by Tuesday or become a professional rugby player because you watched a YouTube video.

The point is to find out rather than assume.

Ask “How could I?”

This is probably the most useful shift.

“I can't” closes the conversation.

“How could I?” opens it.

You might not have an answer immediately. That's fine. You don't need one.

You have simply moved from judging the possibility to exploring the possibility.

And that is where the Funnel Effect becomes useful.

One small move creates information.

Information creates options.

Options create another move.

You don't need certainty before you start. In fact, waiting until you are completely certain is often an excellent way of remaining exactly where you are.

Sometimes the way forward only becomes visible after you've started moving.

So the next time your brain gives you the very confident answer of “I can't do that”, try adding one word.

Yet.

Then take one small step.

You might discover that what looked like a wall was actually a door.

It was just a door you hadn't bothered trying yet.

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