Why Habit Change Is Hard
- Tony Skehan
- Feb 23
- 3 min read
(And Why That's Actually Normal)
A mental performance perspective on why your brain is actively working against your wish to change— and what that tells you about how change actually works.
Here's the uncomfortable truth about habit change from a mental performance point of view:
If it were as simple as the diagrams suggest, everyone would be doing it already .
Exhibit A: A social media version of habit change.
A thing of beauty.
A perfectly balanced Venn diagram with pastel colours and non-threatening fonts.
Very comforting.
Very misleading.
The real world looks a bit more like this:
Exhibit B: A real-world version of habit change.
It’s not pretty.
It’s going to be a battle.
Habits are not ideas. They're systems.
A habit isn't something you decide to do. It's something your brain has automated to save effort.
From a performance perspective, habits exist because your brain is relentlessly efficient. Once something has worked often enough, your nervous system files it under "no need to think about this again." That's not laziness. That's energy management.
So, when people say, "I just need more willpower," what they're really saying is: "I plan to fight my own efficiency system every day and hope it gives up."
It usually doesn't.
The Brain Prefers the Familiar Over the Optimal.
Here’s another part the diagrams skip.
Habits are primarily stored and processed in the subconscious brain, (if you are interested it’s specifically within the basal ganglia). As behaviours are repeated, they shift from conscious control to automatic, subconscious execution, allowing the brain to save time and energy.
As far as your subconscious is concerned you have no bad habits.
Even unhelpful habits often come with certainty:
You know how they feel
You know how they end
You know what relief or payoff arrives (even briefly)
For the subconscious brain, predictability beats improvement in the short term. This is why people stay stuck doing things they openly admit aren’t working.
Change introduces uncertainty.
Uncertainty demands attention.
Attention costs time and energy.
Your brain is not impressed by your five-year plan.
Awareness Is Necessary. It Is Not Sufficient.
Another social media myth: "Once you're aware of the habit, change happens naturally."
Awareness helps. But it doesn't rewire behaviour on its own.
You can be painfully aware of:
• Snacking when stressed
• Avoiding difficult conversations
• Overthinking simple decisions
• Repeating the same errors under pressure
And still do it tomorrow.
Why? Because awareness lives in the conscious part of the brain, while habits live in the subconscious part. Those two systems don't automatically cooperate, especially under stress, fatigue, or time pressure.
And that's when habits matter most.
Effort Isn't a Sign You're Failing. It's the Process.
The diagrams suggest habit change should feel smooth. In reality, it often feels clunky, frustrating, and oddly tiring.
That's normal.
When you interrupt a habit, you're forcing the brain out of autopilot. You're asking it to:
• Slow down
• Re-evaluate
• Choose deliberately
That costs mental energy. Which is why habit change feels harder on busy days, stressful weeks, or when you are distracted.
The effort isn't evidence you're doing it wrong. It's evidence you're doing it consciously.
Most meaningful habit change doesn't look impressive.
It looks like:
• Catching it slightly earlier than last time
• Recovering a bit faster after slipping
• Choosing differently once, not always
• Being less surprised by your own behaviour
Progress here is subtle.
The bottom line:
Habit change is hard not because you're broken, lazy, or undisciplined. It's hard because you're asking an efficiency-driven system to slow down, tolerate uncertainty, and burn extra energy in the short term for a long-term payoff it can't fully predict. That was never going to be a three-step diagram.
And if it feels like work, effort, and repetition — you're probably closer than you think.
Good News:
If this resonated, here’s the practical next step:
Habit change doesn’t fail because people lack motivation.
It fails because they’re trying to outthink a system that runs on autopilot.
If you’re ready to stop fighting willpower battles and start changing behaviour at the level it actually runs, let’s talk.
No hype.
No three-step diagrams.
Just structured, focused work that fits real life.
👉 Book a conversation and find out what’s really holding your habits in place.
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